If its just drynesswhich is common as women ageas well as using lubricant youll also want to be sure that your wife is aroused, even before any genital touching. This is not rocket science, bro. I think that the advice to seek a trained sex therapist, and the encouragement to increase communication between this man and his wife is appropriate and excellent. We males, as the so perceived alphas in these situations, just accept and go along with the flow without ever considering the other; the what if . As sex therapist Vanessa Marin, LMFT, once told mbg, "There's a two-way relationship between relationship satisfaction and sexual desire.". 39 TRUST ME RUN Dont walk Dont ruin your life!!!! Susan, I have one word for you intimacy and all the other women that do not understand the difference between intimacy and sex. I remember when certain words did the trick. This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. Weve been married almost 40 years and neither of us had any sex partners before we met. Sometimes I just want fuck all night long but the woman I love has no interest. I had a client recently who was so angry at her spouse, she said she didnt want to have any physical intimacy with her husband, If he wants to get divorced, let him get divorced, she said. I feel like Ive been through hell. Instead of asking yourself something along the lines of, What to do when wife wont put out? ask your partner if theyd like to experience something different in bed. The counselor ABSOLUTELY never touched on the subject of sex. the women stop trying once you give them what they want. She knows this is a psychological problem and doesnt reflect how I feel about her. I was reading the original story and that exactly my life. But I do like your advice, dont waste time with them and take whatever you can get now. . Its important to understand the difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire. I love him and want to please him even if I feel nothing or just help him reach release. If I push thru to be happy and have energy, he expects me to be like I was 20 years ago. So to many they think Im faking it. It is sad when u see other men drooling over me but the one I want. If it were just about sex, I wouldve left a long time ago. Weve never had an argument about it, because Im always careful not to sound like Im accusing her. He shows no interest or emotional desire to engage in sex or affection. My wife stop having sex with me its been 8 months. Many men and most women are connected through sexual intimacy. .! Please explain to me. Now both in our early 60s, she has lost the desire for sex and has pain issues as well. Our marriage still isnt consummated, and this grieves me as I yearn to be loved in this way. Around year 3 it was 1x week and that lasted another 5 when it became about 1x a week. If your wife wont have sex with you, try not to jump to accusations, as this usually only makes things worse. love him & my family and weve been married for 34 years & 5 years before that. With so many of us in similar situations, it would be nice if we could just reshuffle the deck, at least in this one area. I am not happy at not having anymore sex in my life at age 64, but I do care for her and she does care for me, not in the sexual way of course. If you feel that my wife never initiates physical contact, you may be wondering if your marriage is doomed. You have put up with so much bull shit it is sickening. My opinion only, so, most likely only worthy in my estimation. I asked her to consult with her doctor about her sex desire and they may prescibe hormone therapy. Flirting in public! Makes me feel worth lessnot worthless.worth. You can be honest while also being flexible and compassionate. A lot of my friends say their husbands are like that, too. I would divorce him but whats the point. She chose to be sexless, so now she has another choice to make. You have (understandable) guilt and shame about sex, undoubtedly influenced by your current predicament and the old trauma of feeling rejected during your first long-term partnership. Married a little over 50 years! We were both virgins when we married. She doesnt even let me see her naked. And everyone under his authority flourishes. Seeing a therapist or speaking with her doctor about her mental health is a step in the right direction to help you recognize the woman you fell in love with. Just need the fortitude to go. After 35 years, I want to be with my wife more than ever, not less. Research shows that sexual communication was. may have led to years of unsatisfying sex, and the longer youre together, the more nervous she may be to bring it up. It's possible that you and your wife simply have different needs when it comes to sex. Now masturbation does not work so well. Gynecological conditions such as endometriosis, PCOS, PCOD, uterine fibroids and pelvic pain can make it difficult for women to enjoy sex. You need boundaries to actively live yours in a healthy manner without them in your bedroom. I hope you two can work it out. Its a disturbing trap that you must avoid. I understand that some people accept this type of relationship and just crave a good friend and companion for the rest of their life. If I threw a fit, she would allow it but Buck is correct, who wants to have sex with someone who is repulsed by the act of sex. She mentioned that I find a sex partnerI dont know. Shortly after, our daughter in law and our granddaughters moved out of state. 80s, are victims of the same injustice and gender paradigms you are experiencing. I respect your right to your opinion, but to say that an egalitarian relationship always ends in dysfunction & misery is unfounded and far from true. Haha it isnt always easy but I try to focus where we are in life. Maybe not as often or intense, but more tender, Life is complicated and gets more complicated as we get older. We have had little to no connection with them since. Wake up. Ive been in one for about 47 years and Im the cause of it. My Boyfriend Doesn't Seem Interested in Me Sexually Anymore: 11 Reasons He's Lost Interest 1. Sorry Mate. Addressing these issues will likely buoy your sex life naturally. You said, So my question to the men here. We must have sex or blow up, not a choice. The sooner you understand what it is youre going through, the quicker youll be able to address it. I am not allowed in the shower/bathroom when she is showering or changing. My wife weight has ballooned once the kids were born (25 years ago) And she has never wanted to lose it but just accept it. Ive tried suggesting a date, but its hard to find something she wants to do or doesnt cost too much. Underlying medical problems Well, its clearly only getting worse. Plus, a lack of communication might have created this distance. I hope this is helpful to someone. I so badly need a woman If theres resentment in the marriage, its bound to manifest itself in a sexless marriage. I was going to say you lucky lucky bastard., Maybe let her pick the sex partner and she may want to be a side participant in it, could always ask : ), Its been13 years no sex for me.lbeen married42 years..her phone and internet are more important than me. she tolerates oral sex only minimally due to some sensitivity she can never explain. I would walk a mile in this mans shoes before I offer advice. Men you just need to treat her like you used to treat her before you married her every day and she will keep treating you like she did before you married her. Related Reading: How Do You Deal With A Quarrelsome Wife? If us men were all so lucky! People get lazy and just expect sex to happen because theyre married. I said I am a human male and I have basic needs. 90% of the letters I read, could have been mine. Sex is extremely painful, regardless of whatever I use to try and counteract the problem. I still plan/need to continue working in a high tech job many hours a week, with excellent insurance, which is fortunate, and there is no way she can drive or work for several decades now. . Take what you can, now. In fact, I recently read that most sexless marriages are due to lack of desire in the men. Career-wise, shes doing better than me, so hes likely out-of-my-league anyway. His experiences have taught him that being an honest friend who communicates well and giving importance to self-love can go a long way in maintaining loving relationships. The sexual spark will return when she emerges out of it, stronger and healthier. On the flip side, it could be that your wife suspects you of infidelity and hence has lost her trust in you. I suppose that his stomach, which is huge, the fact that he cant really get hard, and the fact that sex takes forever are some of the reasons why I no longer want to have sex. "The identity of a young parent can become entirely entwined with that of the children. I feel like its just my life now. Honor us with attention and physical contact. I didnt have children hoping and wishing things would change!!! My husband never had my love of sex. That was almost 50 years ago, I dont live in he house with her. I understand, Im in the same position, although not as long of a time period without sex. Get our newsletters to make sure you never miss a thing! Communication will go a long way in improving your sex life. She refuses to talk about it. But keeping an open dialogue about your mutual wants and desires can improve your sex life tremendously. // Replace PAGE_IDENTIFIER with your page's unique identifier variable Nor, is it a reasonable demand that you need (should) accept. You're correct about that. She said I was harassing her and that if I was so horny and needy, I should find someone else to relieve myself, but whatever, to stop harassing her. Thank you for indiviualizing yozr response. If shes not in the mood neither am I . Even if it is difficult, do everything you can to put yourself in her shoes. Richard C Hopefully, you now know just what to work on, with the help of the reasons why your wife never initiates physical contact. I'll go out on a limb and suggest that your wife isn't sexually aroused by being treated well. Ask your wife what she likes and what would be sexy and pleasurable for her. To some it may even taste nasty. That partner who ignores your tears and tender pleas do not seem to mind your needs going unmet. It in no way makes it reasonable or responsible to simply do nothing about it If youre in a relationship, and you just throw your hands up and say, Oh, sorry about your luck honey, but were just going to carve the physical intimacy out of our relationship, and pretend it doesnt matter, then YOU, my friend, are a cruel and selfish asshole. Suddenly it all makes sense. She is intelligent and knows exactly what is going on. It all goes to show that marriage is worthless and now even worse because there is no sexual obligation. And ur right it is really screwed up knowing u might not get laid again or when that might be. Even too much Viagra can cause things like blindness. 60s, 70s. She asked me to get castrated because Sex is hurting her. Perhaps your husband, as well as a few troglodytes posting here, are in need of some attitude adjustments, but you shouldnt paint all men with the same brush. A free doctor approved gut health guide featuring shopping lists, recipes, and tips. He feels unwanted or unappreciated. Husband even can not touch her, let alone touch to arouse her. oh when either of leave the house or return there is a generic kiss. Her work has been featured at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere. Life is tough, and tougher knowing you are not going to get laid. Dang! Risk cheating get a divorce or anything ??? You should know the truth brother. While its good to get to the root of the problem so you can resume a healthy, happy relationship, checking in with yourself is also good. Hello Will, No doubt youre frustrated. Anyway, I was so turned on by this guy (in love too)that just seeing him or us simply hugging was a major Turn-On. And there is another problem: When two people dont want the same things in the marriage or relationship (like trying to fix what is wrong), then there is often no solution other than plodding along as before. In this new gynocentric west, the only answer is to find non-western women or women who were not raised in the west. Being refused is an essential part of the life of a person who is proactive in getting his or her wants met. Take stock of all the good things you still have in your relationship that you might not find again. I love her. But I still love her and will be heartbroken when that day comes. My husband is 46 gringo! For me my wife has me feeling guilty and hesitant and re framing from touching her in any way. I am in this marriage til death do us part but I feel like Im missing something very big in my life. I desire tenderness and affection, not just an orgasm. Recently she will get naked and say I just want you to cum. I want to figure out myself and fix my own issues so I can be a great mom and wife but I feel like is a waste of time to try to fix my marriage because its broken down and Im emotionally drained and I just want to focus on my kids. Thanks Buck for being brutally honest, I can relate to it and know how much painful it is, seeing your wife everyday but I cant even hold her because shell embarrass me with a comeback that all I want is sex and Ill get humiliated and will just eventually die inside. Hello Mary I can imagine how frustrating it it is for you.I am 65 years old and my wife is 64.My wife is on anti-depressants and she says that she has no desire for sex We have been married for 44 years now.I last had sex about 8 years ago My wife is a very beautiful woman and I am absolutely so frustrated and find that looking at porn and mastubating is not ideal anymore, What I need is a woman, but I am afraid to approach another woman for sex for the fear of rejection, I do not want to have sex with a prostitute. What to do about it: Make time to emotionally connect with each other and rekindle your soul connection. As for me, never. My wife says shes convinced that my strong sex drive saved our marriage that got us through our in-laws, the deaths of 2 of our children, accidents, emergencies, seriou surgeries, any one of which could have destroyed us. Not once does he try to get her off, he just rolls over and goes to sleep.